Lessons From A Newlyweds

I've been married for three months and now am about to share about married things. Me and Gilang, We are both learning, every day, how to live with each other, how to speak to each other, how to support each other, and how to respect each other. And, while it’s amazing, it’s hard work. And sometimes, I just don’t want to do it. But we continue on because we value each other, we value our relationship, and we value personal growth in ourselves. Because we know what we’re working for. We love each other through those hard moments, the selfish moments, because that’s what we are choosing to do.

Communication
Good communication will make the relationship better, while poor communication can only worsen the situation. Often we can not hold back our emotions, so that the words that came out of our mouths just a moment of emotion. Therefore we must understand each other. Understand how to communicate well, understand the feelings and partner's mood. I am thankful and blessed to have a husband who is very understanding. Very understands me, very understand how to communicate well, teach me how to communicate in a mature way. When we have a disagreement we don’t scream at each other and throw things. Rather, we talk about it and work through it together as a team. I’m open to him speaking into my life, and the same is true of him. Even if you or your spouse aren’t the best communicators, you can learn to communicate well. The first steps to learning are humbling yourself and admitting that there is room to grow in this area.

Patience
Patience is key. Cultivate it, nurture it! When you’re merging two lives, two different habits, two different pasts, etc. You have to be patient to each other and with yourselves.Think about ways to show your partner patience, and learn to really truly listen with an open mind.

Respect
When we are mad at each other or feeling emotionally hurt, we give the other some space and then talk it through. first, my normal anger default would be to yell and showing scowl face. But even when I am tempted to do that now, I hold my tongue. Why? Because my husband never yells or says mean things to me so I want to show him at least the same amount of respect that he shows me. If you want to show respect for your spouse, you have to grow up. Take name-calling and spiteful behavior out of the equation. Remember, respect is a choice.

Honesty 
Seek after what is true. When you are confused, or frustrated, or feel misunderstood, don’t automatically assume that your partners intention was to hurt you. Always assume the best in each other. We’ve discovered that so many of the little issues we have are typically due to one of us (hmmm, me) overreacting, or making false assumptions before talking about the situation together. Use that patience you’re cultivating to calm yourself down (and bite your tongue) and stop to consider what you know to be true about your spouse before anything else.

Each person has a different experience. That was my experience and lessons that can be taken for 3 months I have a husband. Hmmm, and do not forget to put your spouse in the best position in the public (and private)! It’s awkward when i hear someone say something embarrassing about their spouse in public, even if they are “joking.” Often their spouse is not present but sometimes they are standing right next to them. This can only bring harm to a marriage. Make it a point to be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader…to everyone! This extends to family life as well. Compliment your spouse in front of your kids, to your extended family, to your friends. When you are alone together, regularly tell your spouse how special they are. This goes a long way in showing love and respect and in bolstering your relationship to withstand difficult times.